The only humane way to go through puberty is in a medically induced coma.

Chicken soup is no substitute for a good old fashioned slap upside the head.

I heard somewhere the name, Wilma, translates into, “Look what I stepped in!”, in some foreign language. Why would anyone choose such a name for their chinchilla?

It’s a good thing screw on kneecaps was just a fad.

Why do they call them toadstools? Toads use benches.

Don’t forget,  your decision to behave as though you have the I.Q. of seven, comes the responsibilities of an idiot.

A little after 12:30 p.m. Singapore time (9:30 Pacific time) while walking with Kim along the hotel portico, Trump told reporters he would speak to them in a couple of minutes after a “signing”.

What could that mean?

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if it was a treaty or non-aggression pact of some sort? A single meeting between two narcissists solving a decades old conflict (if only temporarily). Wouldn’t that put an odd spin on the way things had been handled previously?

It is only 12:50 Singapore time right now and the “signing” has yet to be completed. Maybe I’m a foolish optimist or just a fan of farcical humor, but I’m betting on something extraordinary.

I’m sitting here with breath like bait… bated breath? …whatever.

Quick afterthought as the “signing” is in progress: Whatever this so-called “signing” entails, it won’t be the end of the issue. Final details will need to be negotiated and ironed out. I think this could be effectively done by representatives of both sides. In this case, Dennis Rodman and Kanye West, while Trump coaches Kim on his golf swing at Mar-a Lago.

Kayla McKeon has become the first registered Capitol Hill lobbyist with Down syndrome. She is quoted as saying one of her favorite phrases is, “I am ready, willing and able.” That phrase alone would indicate she has risen the ethical bar for lobbyists far higher than nearly all other lobbyists could hope to achieve.

but…

She has also said, “I feel powerful knowing I am walking in the same steps as congressman and women”…”I can feel the power radiating as I walk around the Capitol.”

So, maybe not.

I don’t remember ever hearing anyone refer to the human foot as “splendid”. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder; but feet? Come on!

Admittedly, the foot’s design is quite amazing. Filled with 26 tiny bones, it is able to absorb enormous pressures as we go about our everyday routines of  walking and running and stumbling drunk into alleyways. Not to mention reducing the need to land on our heads as we show off our skills on the backyard trampoline.

But for all its usefulness, the foot is a goofy looking appendage. Unlike the hand, which is issued in one basic design, the foot comes in myriad forms. There are wide feet with short, apparently non-jointed toes which don’t touch the floor when standing straight up (but will touch the floor when keeling forward into an alleyway drunk) and are barely discernible from those of a duck. There are feet with long, many jointed toes which retract like string onto a yo-yo (an uncomfortable procedure while wearing ski boots).

Speaking of footwear, the are open toed shoes which do nothing more than display the front of your foot akin to a fist full of flesh-colored crayons.( Unless you are wearing toenail polish…then it can look like a fist full of multi-colored crayons).

And then, for some baffling reason, there is toe jewelry. Toe rings, to be precise. Really? You think this is attractive? Toe rings will never be practical until the human being evolves apposable  big toes enabling the ability to diddle with the ring  in the same fashion our wives do with their wedding rings when they are considering divorce.

Foot odor. Ta-da! I’ll bet you were wondering when I would address the elephant in the room. Foot odor is caused by bacteria reacting within the sweat our feet produce. There are about 250,000 sweat glads in the average foot (fact)… (give or take 1,000 and depending on how many fewer or extra toes you have and the sales tax rate in your area). Feet produce a bunch of sweat, which normally evaporates or is wicked off by sweat-socks. Each foot produces 425 gallons of sweat on an average day (unconfirmed). One cup per day has been confirmed, but I am unable to find the size of the cup the research references.

Oh well.

Companies spend enormous amounts of money sponsoring the news media. The reason is simple…Advertising works!

The news media are pervasive, powerful forces in the lives of everyday folks. When they promote products, the products sell and companies profit. People who hadn’t thought about buying a product often realize they want the product. That’s good for the economy.

When the media irresponsibly hype a story by not only reporting the story, but purposely drawing great attention to the story, people who hadn’t thought about the subject of the story tend to think more about it. This is where copycats come from.

Not too long ago Robin Williams committed suicide by hanging himself. Kate Spade also left the world this way the other day. Antony Bourdain hanged himself this morning in France.  In all these cases, the media went crazy with excessive coverage.

Strangely, the media noted how, when these things occur, the general suicide rate rises substantially. The media don’t recognize the correlation.

Schools shootings have become all too common and are always sensationalized. The media blame guns. Seventeen year old Dimitrios Pagourtzis wanted to commit suicide and hatched a plan to shoot up his Texas high school. He did so, killing ten people and injuring ten others. He couldn’t bring himself to actually die in the effort and was taken alive. He’s indicated he wanted his story to be told. By whom? The media, of course. You see, he knew he’d become famous through his heinous deed. He is just another copycat.

What is the answer? The answer may lie in how these stories are covered. How much the media hype the story.

The media need to cover the news and these stories are news, but here’s the caveat: Having been a newsman myself, I can tell you suicides of average folks are almost never covered by the media. The same is true with gang related violent crime. News stations don’t want to aggrandize gang members and their nasty behaviors. So, why do they do the opposite with celebrity suicides and school shootings? Answer: Ratings = $.

More social responsibility is required from the media. Don’t hold your breath.

Brice Sander (ET) posted an article 9 hours ago entitled “Why Kathy Griffin Says She Can’t Return To Reality TV (After Scandal)”.

I have a question for Brice Sander. Why would anyone be interested in reading the chronic whimpers of a self-victimized nobody? Yet, there it is displayed on my computer. Somebody hired Brice to write this stuff.

I have another question (this time for somebody at ET). Why?

North Korea’s Kim is scheduled to meet with U.S.’s Trump at the posh Capella hotel on Sentosa Island in Singapore on June 12th starting at 9 AM local time. That is a lot for the public to know a full seven days prior to such an event.

Kim enjoys the almost universal admiration of the average citizens of North Korea. His regime is constantly singing his praises in myriad media. But, like Hitler (who survived a bomb attack by his own officers), there may be those in his military and elsewhere who would rather see him vanish.

Trump enjoys / despises a love / hate relationship with U.S. voters. Many see his presidency as a much needed shake-up of the status quo, while others would rather see him vanish.

Depending upon who you ask, these are arguably the top two trouble-makers on the planet (certainly the top one). As such, locating both in one place at the same time seems to me to constitute a security nightmare.

I wonder why this meeting isn’t being held in secret, to be publicized after the fact. Or, is it? Wouldn’t it be a hoot for all the media to gather for a meeting which turns out to be a decoy?

I will post an “After the fact” comment at an appropriate time.

It was just announced that the Miss America Pageant is dropping their swimsuit competition, claiming they will no longer judge contestants on physical appearance.  Might as well cancel the pageant. There are too many spelling bees as it is. Anyway, this is wonderful news for all the Madeleine Albrights out there.

If somebody decides to start a new pageant that includes the beauty and swimsuit parts, I think they’d make a killing. After all, where are the state beauty pageant winners supposed to go on the way to the Miss Universe pageant? Given the two choices of the old Miss America and whatever replaces it, which show would most folks watch and which would garner the most advertising dollars.

How well will the Sports Illustrated “Women’s Achievement” edition sell?

Maybe weightlifting competitions should not be judged on strength?

Liberals love ignoring human nature. That’s why their success rate is what it is. Sshh! Don’t tell anybody. It’s their little secret.

What constitutes “cruel and unusual” punishment? Is it the infliction of pain? Is it the infliction of humiliation? Is it the infliction of disrespect?

There is a concept that punishment should fit the crime. If the crime is particularly heinous, were should the line be drawn…if at all? Continue reading CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT. →