I was a slow, rote learner in school…unless the lesson was demonstrated to be pertinent to me and useful in my everyday life. Then, it tended to stick with me.

One day, when I was a teenager, I met a beautiful girl. And when I say beautiful, I mean a budding super model. Gorgeous face. Sensational figure. And not at all uppity! She actually seemed approachable.

I told her I was planning to go fishing from the jetty at Jones’ Beach (Long Island). She said she liked to fish, too. I suggested, ” You should come along. I have two fishing poles and you can use one of them…”, her eyes widened and she smiled as I continued, “…and while we’re there, we could strip each other naked and have hot sex in the sand.”

That was the day I learned WHY you should never end a sentence in a proposition.

I also learned an alternate use for a bag of frozen green peas.

I enjoy the English language. Particularly when it is economical and precise.

I decided to help my 7 year old grandson create a new word this evening. First, I explained the prefix, “neo”, as meaning “brand new”. Then, I explained that the word “natal”, means “birth”. He understood why the word “neonate” means “newborn”.

Next, I explained the prefix, “paleo”, means “ancient”. Then I explained how the word “flatus” is the result of flatulence. Now we know that Pop-Pop is a “paleoflate”.

A new, precise and economical word is born. Ta-da!

My proctologist gave me a thorough examination yesterday which, if I’m not mistaken, included counting my teeth.