District of Colombia. A brief  history:

Columbia is the old poetic name for The United States and was personified by a woman (later essentially displaced by the Statue of Liberty around 1920). “Columbia” was first coined (in reference to America) in 1738 in Great Britain as a pseudonym for the “colonies” in a published review of British Parliamentary debates in Edward Cave’s “The Gentleman’s Magazine. Printed versions of the debates were illegal at the time, therefore other names and titles were substituted in order to keep Mr. Cave out of gaol.

The District of Columbia is neither a state nor a territory, but instead , a very silly place (as well as a hide-out for some very unsavory characters).

“But why is it called Washington D.C.?”, you might ask. And well you should. Some people believe this was a tribute to George Washington (who, by the bye, never cut down a cherry tree and was known to tell a fib or two). The actual reason for calling the area Washington was an act of trickery. The reasoning was, when an elected official would need to go on the lam, it was hoped the posse would search around the Pacific Northwest for him because there was a state by that name out there. It was assumed the posse would get waterlogged by the climate and fall desperately in love with the seafood, thus throwing it off the scent. This proved very successful for a while. Especially due to the tiny, delectable, albeit pricey, oysters and salamanders native to the area.

We all know where these politicians hang out now, so the hiding is over. If they wish to continue calling D.C. “Washington”, that’s okay. But considering the fact that “District”  remains not fully defined and “Colombia” historically denotes an air of freedom and opportunity, “D.C.” is due for a change. Don’t you think? Perhaps the “D” should stand for dopey or duck-like and the “C” could stand for…..? I’ve never been good at this. You choose. But try to keep it politically correct and free of expletives (if that is at all possible.)