Jurisprudence is the study, theory or science of law. This can be rather complicated, so allow me to put its practice into a nutshell for the layman.

There are four players in this game. At times, not all are used. For this examination, we will assume all players are of the male gender because I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about political correctness.

1. First there is the “Judge”. His jobs may vary according to circumstances, but he will always roll two or three 1/2″-3/4″ stainless steel ball bearings around in the palm of his left hand, (three if he’s a really talented judge) and chew gum. He is the one who gets the last word (and, thus, the last laugh).
2. Then comes the Prosecutor. He is the well dressed fellow (with stubby horns), who points his finger at the guy sitting on the other side of the courtroom and screams, “He did it!”
3. Next comes the Defense, a bearded octogenarian, in a full body cast and oversized candy-apple red sunglasses who climbs onto a table and chants, “Did not! Did not!”.
4. Finally, there is the jury. It is comprised of a predetermined number of people chosen from the thousands originally invited to audition.

To begin a trial, the judge is presented with a simple idea.  It then becomes the job of the two opposing attorneys to take that idea and disassemble it into its composite parts ( land, sea, and drama ). This is only complete when the original idea has devolved into a chaotic pile of shrapnel.

Now the building of the opposing cases begins. Often, this is when the jury (which has been chosen by both the prosecution and defense for its ability to sleep with its eyes open) is treated to every reason they should wish to be elsewhere. Unanimously, the restroom.

The prosecutor begins by making grand statements of his high regard for all those present (except the accused) and hints that there will be cookies served afterward if the judge or jury decides in his client’s favor.  Then he will call “witnesses”. These are usually flora and fauna he’s met at the track or Walmart, the night before.

In return, the defense points out his client’s innocence due to the accused’s inability to ride a unicycle (this, being his parole officer’s fault).

As much time is wasted, each side constructs a scenario which bears no resemblance to the idea originally presented.

Next, comes the summation (Thank God). This is a long winded monolog given by each side which is simply a multisyllabic version, delivered in an array of languages, dialects and sound bites for the media, of what they said in the first place.

If the accused has waived his right to a jury trial, the judge will rule by throwing his ball bearings at the defendant or the prosecutor ( as the case may be ). If a jury was involved, the jury foreman will announce the verdict and duck, because the judge will throw his ball bearings at him.

Sentencing: The judge does the sentencing and is bound by law to impose at least the minimum sentence prescribed by law, or decide on anything from a death sentence to throwing an Oprah style block party.

So, now you know.