See previous posts for earlier Zodiac signs.

SIGN: VIRGO

VIRGO is the intellectual sign of “THE VIRGIN”. People whose birthdays fall between August 23rd and September 22nd are said to be delicate and humane as well as analytical and methodical. Dr. Ben Carson (born on September 18th) fits this profile well.

NOTE: I would love to “roast” Dr. Ben as I have done and will do with other politicians. However, he is not a politician. Ergo, the problem lies in finding his faults. I’d love to see him drunk, but he could probably polish off a fifth of Jack Daniels and still remain sober. How boring is that?

Bernie Sanders (born September 8th) is also a Virgo. And whatever else anyone might say of him, he is nothing if not humane. I tried roasting Bernie in my mind with thoughts of  the Liberals’ stance on the Second Amendment, but couldn’t get past his own state of Vermont’s gun control laws. They are the least restrictive in the nation. You can’t get a concealed weapons permit in Vermont if you try. It’s not required. Vermont has the lowest gun murder rate (per 100,00 residents) of any state.

SUB-SIGN: URANUS

Uranus is the non-intellectual sign of “MY WHAT?!”. Both boys and girls born on August 30th may be likely to remain chaste (virgins) longer than most. And are often home-schooled…or unattractive.

Note: Obviously none of this applies to folks born in India, Bangladesh or West Virginia.