You need to look both ways when crossing your eyes.

You are what you eat. Your Trout Almondine ate worms.

I was a butterfly wrestler until I lost a couple of fingers.

Betty Rubble was much hotter than Wilma. (Except in the movie).

I can’t see why vitamin A is so beneficial.

Aesop was fact-deficient.

Echo was the great love of Narcissus. I said, Echo was the great love of Narcissus.

“…and this little piggy went wee, wee, wee…anyone got a mop?”

Jack Sprat and was forced to clean it up.

Want to teach someone a lesson? Forget the duck, put an ostrich in their car.

“Is that a gun in your pocket? Because your toe is over there.”

The number of times your buttered bread will fall face down depends upon the price of your carpet.

Adding kosher pickle spice to bread batter is backwards because it makes the dough dill.

Japanese men vote when they have an erection.

My uncle was circumcised twice. Now he’s my  aunt.

I bred my Pit Bull with my Toy Poodle and didn’t get a dangerous puppy, just a terrible gossip.

Those who don’t know cabbage are doomed to repeat it.

Narcoleptic hang-gliding is fun to watch (in a sad sort of way).

Politicians are like matches. They belong somewhere safe but are usually found in someone’s pocket.

Consciousness is just a state of mind…And highly overrated.